Feelings

Second guess, will I get another chance?
Why does my heart come before my head?
I'm so sensitive to the ones I love
Why have I given up my dreams instead?
I know this is not your fault
I only have myself to blame
The secrets that lurk inside my skull
Are rotting the important parts of my brain

It's useless to think I can dig my way out
Without hurting you like you've been before
To make myself happy is like amputation
Like picking at an open sore
But when I look in the mirror I don't recognize
The face that glares right back at me
I'm a shadow of my former self
Existing in a state of melancholy

Never been a sinner in all my life
Except when I don't do what's best
I'll go on living like a lobotomized patient
With hardly a beating coming from my chest
And yet, I'll be there just like I promised
But it's hard to think it's what you want
Like maybe you've settled to avoid past mistakes
And inside you're feeling endless distraught

Sometimes I think I'm afraid to be alone
But other times I welcome it so
The pain and agony of not knowing the unknown
Or enjoying being solo
This is a poem not meant to be read
But more just my thoughts pouring out
Don't take it so literal or personal, please
And don't cast a shadow of a doubt

Copyright 2014 © Stephen Gedney